The Key to Thriving Relationships: Embrace Those Hard Conversations
A hard conversation is just one that you're afraid to have, but it's probably necessary. We've all been there - your heart races, your palms get sweaty, and you keep putting it off. But good relationships thrive when two people choose to have these uncomfortable conversations. They ask where they stand, what they want, and what they need in the relationship. They don't shy away from asking tough questions like, "Where do you desire this relationship to go?", "How can I help you feel safe?", or "What can I do to make this work for us?"
Relationship expert Matthew Hussey breaks it down into four main stages, highlighting why those cringeworthy conversations are so crucial:
1. Infatuation: This is when you first start catching feelings. The butterflies, the giddiness, those late-night flirty texting sessions. Everything is new, exciting, and you can't get enough of each other. But even early on when things are electric, it's important to be upfront about what you're looking for, what your values are, and where your boundaries lie. Laying that foundation with open communication prevents issues down the road.
2. Uncertainty: The hot and heavy honeymoon phase eventually wears off and now you're wondering if this is really the real deal. Doubts and insecurities start creeping in. "Do they really like me for me?", "Are we on the same page about the future?". Avoiding those hard talks about what's on your mind will only breed more uncertainty and confusion. As uncomfortable as it is, putting it all out there - even the scary, awkward stuff - creates clarity.
3. Commitment: You've both decided you're all in and want to make it official as a couple. You're drawn even closer together. But that intense connection doesn't mean you stop communicating openly and honestly. Continuing to check in and ask for what you need - be it more quality time, rekindling sexual intimacy, or dividing up responsibilities fairly - helps you both feel seen, heard, and invested in.
4. Intimacy: This is that sense of being so intimately bonded as a couple, that security of truly becoming one. You can let your guard down completely. But sustaining that level of closeness and trust requires being vulnerably honest, and not holding back. Having those hard convos to openly share your most private thoughts, deepest needs, and wildest desires brings you even closer.
I used to avoid uncomfortable conversations for sure. I didn't want to rock the boat in fear of being rejected, but I will say the people in my life, both romantic and platonic, with whom I have been able to feel safe and share my heart, are the relationships that truly last.
Getting stuck in a situationship is easy when you avoid these hard conversations. A situationship is that murky, undefined space between friends and a committed relationship. It’s comfortable, convenient, and often free of the pressure that comes with formal labels. However, it can also lead to confusion, frustration, and unmet expectations if one or both partners are unsure of where they stand. Without clear communication, it's easy to misinterpret intentions and end up feeling stuck in a cycle of ambiguity.
The only way to avoid this is by having those tough conversations early and often. Ask the questions that will give you clarity: "What are we?", "What do you see for us in the future?", and "Are we on the same page?". These conversations might be uncomfortable, but they are essential for moving out of the uncertainty phase and into a more defined, committed relationship.
The bottom line is, as much as you might want to avoid it and stick your head in the sand, you can't progress to each new stage of deepening the relationship without taking that leap to openly share your whole self - the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sure, it's uncomfortable as hell. Your defenses go up and your instincts say "protect!" But would you rather have those awkward hard truths or pave the way for regretful silence and resentment?